Answering Common Questions I Get Asked as a Dating Coach

By Carly Sackellares, MSW


Have you ever wondered what to do if you enjoyed your first date with someone but didn’t necessarily feel a spark? What about ghosting—why does it happen, and what should you do if it happens to you? Of course, there’s also your online dating profile. How can you make sure it’s “good” and will attract the right match? If any of these questions feel familiar to you, you’re not alone. As a dating coach, these are common questions many clients ask me. Curious about my answers? Read on!


1. HOW IMPORTANT IS CHEMISTRY?

Our bodies are full of chemical reactions all the time. As we learn and grow, the chemistry within us changes. That’s why sexual dances evolve. Curiosity makes space for the evolution of chemistry within ourselves and within our dances with romantic partners. If there isn’t chemistry at the first meeting, but you enjoy yourself and would like to meet again, you can meet again and see what might grow.


2. WHY DO PEOPLE GHOST AND WHAT SHOULD I DO IF IT HAPPENS TO ME?

Romantic dances trigger the unfinished infant/parent dances. When people feel these baby feelings, they can just shut down. When someone ghosts us, we can coach ourselves to recognize that behavior as being about their issues, not about us. If a potential partner cannot find it within themselves to communicate with us, that’s good information.


3. HOW DO I CREATE A GOOD ONLINE DATING PROFILE?

Creating your profile may seem like a daunting task. The endless list of prompts to answer and uncertainty about what photos capture your best angles is sure to feel overwhelming. I suggest that my clients look at the process as an opportunity for self-exploration. Sincerity breeds uniqueness. The more authentically you present yourself in your profile, the more likely it is to stand out amongst the others. Though you may not be casting as wide of a net, you will be more likely to be fishing in the right pond—the one full of fish that could be suitable matches for you.

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