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Attachment Style in Relationships: From the NYTimes

Attachment theory has become somewhat of a buzzword these days. Are You Anxious, Avoidant, or Secure? a recent New York Times article has an idea as to why. Amid the pandemic, single people longed for connection, while couples began navigating the uncharted territory of relationships in lockdown. As a result, many sought answers for finding healthy and lasting love. Levine and Heller's 2010 book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment, and How It Can Help You Find — and Keep — Love exploded around the real and online world—#AttachmentStyle TikTok is trending and has garnered a whopping 189 million views.

Though the book has successfully brought attachment theory to the mainstream, it has also garnered its fair share of criticism. Notably, the authors advise finding someone with a suitable attachment style rather than repairing existing relationships and attachment injuries. This advice may leave readers feeling stuck in their attachment label and powerless in their pursuit of secure attachment. Luckily, Naked Online provides the answer.

Chapter 6: Reaching Out or Pulling Back? How Attachment Style Affects Relationship helps us appreciate how we form our attachment style. We develop our styles of attachment during our first relationship with our primary caregiver. Then, we fine-tune that style in all our other relationships, particularly our intimate ones.

Knowing that our attachment styles get wired in infancy, helps us be patient with ourselves in this stressful form of meeting and mating. We can soothe our cranky infant selves and gently tell our inner-child, “You are not old enough to date.”

As our inner-infants feel soothed within us, our post-pubescent selves can explore romantic dances. Sassy salsa-ing when you’re post-pubescent is more fun.

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