By Carly Sackellares, MSW
February has come, and with it, the dreaded two weeks before many face our nation's loneliest holiday. The day's anticipated shunning-of-singles can stir up some uncomfortable feelings. You may find yourself feeling cynical, annoyed, disgusted, or even mortified. Perhaps you've found another way to celebrate—engaging in a Galentine's Day with friends or throwing an Anti-Valentine's Day gathering. No matter how you choose to spend the day, it is natural to long for a romantic connection. The good news is that you are capable of self-soothing and thriving! I provide some tips below.
With all the feelings romantic dances stir within us, it can help to be aware of how these feelings show up in our bodies. When we notice the places our bodies most long for connection, we can find ways to soothe those places. It may feel good to practice a Chi for Two® Self-Hug, inviting a hand or both hands to go to where your body feels the most yearning.
Often our uncomfortable emotions are accompanied by an underlying sense of self-shame—shame for not having a partner, shame for feeling the need for a partner, shame for feeling anything at all. Self-compassion can soothe those little kid feelings, allowing your inner-parent/inner-coach to emerge. We can gently guide the little kid part of ourselves away from negative self-talk. We can tell ourselves, “I WANT a romantic connection, but I don’t NEED one.”
Becoming individuated within the dance of relationship is a beautiful process. Finding your authentic self helps you learn to support yourself. As a self-supported adult, you won't NEED support from others; you'll WANT support from others.
Chi for Two provides the tools for becoming a self-supported adult. I am ready to coach your inner-coach. You can reach out to me by email at firstname.lastname@example.org or by phone at (678) 242-9519. I look forward to hearing from you!